Goodbye 2011... Hello 2012

Ever since I can remember I've said "New year, new life!". More often than not that so called new life ends up being a slightly different version of my regular life. Some things change, of course, but nothing major. The core remains the same.

This year is going to be different though.

This year is all about changes. This year is all about a new ME.

Truth be told, that "new me" was really born in 2011. Last year I decided it was time for me to turn my life around and I had to take more responsibility for my own happiness.

I learned to finally let go of things-and people- that were holding me back and that were darkening who I really was. I finally came to peace with the fact that being alone does not mean being lonely.

I have an amazing family that loves me no matter what. I have awesome friends who have helped me to get out of the darkest and deepest holes. I have a loving dog that makes everything better just by wagging her tail. Life is good.

MY life is good.

So now it's time to make it even better.

2011 was a decisive year for me. It was something like my unveiling year. I left behind people that tormented me for years. I finished all my classes in school. I reconnected with old friends. I got to do some work in my field. I learned to laugh again. I learned to forgive and let go. I learned to forget. Or at least ignore it enough that it won't torture me anymore. I learned to be happy without anyone's help but my own. I got to spend quality time with my family, and I got to see those who don't even live here! It's like all the loose pieces were slowly starting to fall into place...

Things were good, overall. 2011 was a pretty awesome year.

But now it's time for 2012.

I'm looking forward to seeing what it has in store for me!

New year, new attitude, new life... New me :)

Tupac was right all along.

Sometimes I wish your presence in my life was more like footprints in the sand.

Sometimes I wish I could just stand there, waiting for the tide to get as high as possible and have the waves sweep every single memory away.

I just wish you could be gone, forever.

Knowing that will never happen sucks sometimes.

I have managed to leave you and your memory behind, for the most part. I don't spend every day of my life thinking about you anymore. I don't wish I were

with you anymore. I don't look at your picture and cry my eyes out anymore. I don't read my old journals and reminisce about every single old memory. I don't cry over you, wishing you were next to me. I don't wish you loved me back anymore. I don't pray to God you realize you love me and I'm the one you want to be with. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore. I don't dream about you as much and I try not to listen to depressing music that makes me think of you.

I have forced myself not to ask my friends about you. I have told myself over and over that I don't love you anymore and that you were nothing but a huge mistake in my life.

I have told myself that you never loved me more times than I can count. I have written hate letters that you will never read. I have thrown away pictures and things that reminded me of you. I go out more and I don't stay at home watching sappy movies. I try to stay busy all the time, so I don't have enough time to think about you or get sad about stupid things. I have worked so hard trying to forget you and all the pain you caused me. I have tortured myself with pictures of you and her. I have forbidden myself to forget all the tears I cried and how much you hurt me. I have convinced myself you love her and you never cared about me.

I have managed to take control of my life again and to move on, without you. I have managed to live without you.

I think I've done a good job putting you and everything you represent aside, but saying I have left you behind for good would be a lie.

There's always something that brings me back to you, for some reason. A part of me that goes back to you, I don't know why.

There's always something or someone that reminds me of you, and no matter how hard I try to ignore it, I just can't.

I think there's still a part of me that needs closure.

There's a part of me that wants to know why your engagement is off.

There's a tiny part of me that wishes it was you who called it off because you realized you don't love her. There's a tiny part of me that wonders whether you think about me at all. A tiny part that wonders if you ever have second thoughts about her being the one for you. A tiny part that wonders if you ever wish I were her. That you hadn't let me go. A tiny part that wonders if you ever loved me... or if you still do.

But then I come to my senses. There's no point in wondering all this. The fact is that I'm here and you're there. We're worlds apart.

And I'm finally at peace with that.

I've come to realize that it will never be, and I've accepted the fact that no matter how hard I fight it, you will always be a part of me.

All the good memories, all the good times, the laughter, the love, the crazy things we did, all the things that made me the happiest person alive will remain with me, no matter what. But so will the bad ones. All the times you made me cry, all the times you broke my heart, all the lies, the excuses, the pain... All of that, will remain with me as well.

But I think I've reached a point in my life where I am able to choose which memories I want to take with me from now on. I've reached a point where I can finally see which of all those memories hurt me and I'm better off without.

This is my breaking point. The truth is you will never be gone. You will never be a footprint in the sand. The tide won't ever be high enough to take you away.

You will always be there, no matter what I do, or where I go.

You will always be a part of my past... probably the most important part of it.

But there's no reason I should let you be a part of my present anymore. And I refuse to let you be a part of my future.

I learned a lot from you. I learned what love was like. I learned what it felt to be crazy about someone. I learned what it felt like to long for someone's touch and to give it all and expect nothing in return.

But the most important lesson I learned from you was that you can't force love. You can't make someone love you. You can't control somebody else's feelings. You can't make someone care.

I've spent years hearing people say "move on" and I used to believe moving on meant forgetting everything or leaving everything behind and pretending it never happened so you could move on with your life. I used to believe it was like pressing the delete button. I used to think I would reach that point one day in my life. I used to pray I did.

But now I've realized there is no such thing as deleting the past. You just can't do that.

But I think I do understand what moving on means.

I think I've learned to deal with the fact that you will always be a memory, both, good and bad. I've learned to live with that memory. I've learned to put it aside, since I can't really leave it behind. I've learned that heartache happens for a reason: to make you stronger. It is true, after all: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger -as cliche as it is.

I've learned to keep going. I've learned not to cry. I've learned to be strong. I've learned to hear your name and not fall part.

I've learned to live with the fact that you did me wrong. That you broke my heart. That you broke me.

But the most important thing I've learned is to live. I've learned to live my life without you. I've learned you're not as important as me. I've learned to love me. I've learned to love my life and everyone in it. I've learned to enjoy every moment. I've learned to smile again. I've learned that there's more to life than you.

I've learned to live with my past and to not let it affect my present. I've learned to put you aside. I've learned not to let you control my life anymore. I've learned that sometimes what you think you really want in life, you're just better off without.

I've learned to move on. Finally. Who would've thought...

Remember me?

I read a tweet today that said "Hi, remember me? We used to be best friends when you were single."

I laughed at first, but then I thought "Damn... I guess I'm not the only one that feels that way."

My friends have always told me that I am the way I am because I don't have a boyfriend. They think I'm bitter and I hate everything related to love just because I'm single and I don't know what it's like to be so stupidly crazy in love that you just reek of cheesiness. "You'll understand when you have a boyfriend."

The truth is... I don't think I ever will.

I think I have a different idea of what a relationship is supposed to be like.

My idea of a relationship is 2 independent people that somehow complement each other. It's finding someone that brings out the best of you and makes you a better person, but never allows you to lose sight of who you really are. It's finding that special someone that you can share your life with, not someone that you surrender your life to. It's finding someone that you can trust enough to know that they won't cheat on you the minute they leave your sight. It's finding someone that has a life of their own and allows you to have one as well. It's finding someone that when something good or bad happens to you, you feel like you want to call, and not that you HAVE to.

My idea of a relationship is certainly not someone who spends every second of their day with me. It's not taking my boyfriend everywhere I go. It's not bringing my boyfriend to every get together or party that I'm invited to. It's not going everywhere with him and forgetting there are actually other people living on planet Earth.

Clearly, my friends seem to disagree with me.

According to my friends, having a boyfriend means forgetting you even had a best friend before your boyfriend showed up. It means seeing your friends only for holidays or birthdays or any other 'special' day because the rest of the days are already taken. It means not being available anymore to any other friend because you've already made plans with your boyfriend. It means getting mad when you ask if you can bring your boyfriend to your girl's night out and they say no. It means deciding not to go wherever you were invited to because he didn't want to go and you can't go by yourself. It means showing up somewhere and leaving 10 minutes later because you're gonna meet up with him. It means standing up your friends because you made plans with him. It means showing up 5 hours late because you were waiting for him to get off his ass and get dressed. It means showing up but being too absent-minded to get involved in the conversation because you're too busy replying to the 400 texts or answering the 200 phone calls. It means bringing your boyfriend along everywhere you go. It means not being able to go on road trips with friends because you can't just leave him. It means not wanting to travel because the poor guy will stay sad and lonely and God knows what would happen. It means thinking you can't spend 2 seconds away from each other because you're gonna die.

I don't get it. I never will.

It's not because I don't have a boyfriend. I have had boyfriends. I have been in relationships. And I have managed to keep my life afloat. I don't understand why you would want to see your boyfriend every freaking day and talk to him 24/7 and just ignore the rest of the world. How do you even have time to miss him if you're always with him? How do you find excitement to call him at night and tell him about something exciting that happened to you during the day if you talked to him all throughout the day?

I like having my own personal time and space. I don't like mixing my worlds.

I think it's good that your boyfriend is friends with your friends and that you can all hang out every now and then and all, but I do not believe in you shoving your boyfriend down my throat, and I certainly don't believe in putting your life aside because of him. You had a life before you met him, why give it up?

You would think I'm used to this by now, but I'm not. I won't get used to it. I refuse to.

I don't like it and I don't have to put up with it.

I've gone through this way too many times and I'm done.

I'm tired of my time with my "friends" having to depend on their boyfriends. I'm tired of having to almost ask for permission to hang out with my friends and make appointments in their busy agendas.

I'm done being there only when things go wrong and they need a shoulder to cry on. I'm done being there only when they're pissed at them and they need "girl time". I'm done being their sloppy seconds. I deserve better than that. Call me crazy, but I deserve better friends.

It's not even a matter of jealousy at this point, it's a matter of respect.

Don't get me wrong. It's cool that you have a boyfriend and all, specially if he makes you so happy that you feel like your life is going to fall apart if you're not together 24/7. But he's YOUR boyfriend, not mine. There is no reason on earth why I should have to see him everywhere I go. There is no reason why I should have to have dinner with him, or go to the movies with him, or go dancing or drinking with him. There is no reason why I should have to go on a road trip with him. He's dating you, not me. You want to spend time with him, not me. He makes you happy, not me. You're the one who can't live without him, not me.

So next time you and your boyfriend get into a fight, or he cheats on you and breaks your heart and you need someone to comfort you and to let you know it's going to be ok, call him, not me.

I can't hate you anymore

Sometimes a song can show just how you feel without you having to say any words.

I came across this song, which I hadn't heard in years, and back then when the song first came out I thought the lyrics were good, but they didn't really apply to me.

Today, those same lyrics tell the story of my life, so sharing them is only logical.

I wish I could call you and play this song for you, or email you the lyrics or something... I wish there was a way you could actually know how I feel. But there isn't. And even if there were, there would be no point. You just don't care. You never did...

It seems unbelievable that 5 and a half years later I'm still trying my hardest to erase you from my life. My only hope is that one day you will be gone forever, from my mind, from my heart, and from my life... I wish you all the happiness in the world, even if that happiness isn't with me...

An empty room can be so deafening,

The silence makes you wanna scream,

It drives you crazy.

I chased away the shadows of your name,

And burned the picture in a frame,

But it couldn't save me.

And how could we quit something we never even tried,

Well you still can't tell me why.

We built it up to watch it fall.

Like we meant nothing at all.

I gave and gave the best of me,

But couldn't give you what you need.

You walked away,

You stole my life,

Just to find what you're looking for.

But no matter how I try,

I can't hate you anymore.

...I can't hate you anymore.

You're not the person that you used to be,

The one I want who wanted me,

And that's a shame but,

There's only so many tears that you can cry.

Before it drains the light right from your eyes,

And I can't go on that way.

And so I'm letting go of everything we were,

It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Sometimes you hold so tight,

It slips right through your hands.

Will I ever understand?

We built it up,

To watch it fall.

Like we meant nothing at all.

I gave and gave the best of me,

But couldn't give you what you need.

You walked away,

You stole my life,

Just to find what you're looking for.

But no matter how I try,

I can't hate you anymore...

My bucket list

I was watching a movie the other day and someone said "if you had 5 minutes to do something you really wanted to do before you died, what would it be?"

I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now and I still don't know what I would do in my last 5 minutes, but I do know what I would want to do before I die in general, so I came up with my bucket list. I'd always had my mental bucket list, but I had never actually written one, so I thought this would be a good way to start. I won't lose it, I won't misplace it, I won't rip it, I won't tear it up... It'll be here, on my blog, as long as the blog exists, that way I can always remember what it says and I can add or mark things off as I go along...

MY BUCKET LIST

1. Graduate
2. Get a Masters or PhD
3. See my friends from Florida again
4. Visit Egypt
5. Go backpacking across Europe
6. Visit Australia
7. Visit Fiji Islands
8. Go to Africa
9. See him again and get closure
10. Work as a professional interpreter and get paid like one
11. Move to the beach and have a bedroom with a killer ocean view
12. Create my own dog shelter
13. Travel around the world
14. Sing in front of a crowd
15. Move back to the US
16. Go on a romantic getaway with someone special
17. Have dozens of dogs
18. Own a convertible
19. Meet a celebrity
20. Study abroad
21. Learn how to shoot a gun
22. Get a complete makeover
23. Go on a road trip across Ecuador with my best friend/s
24. Visit Machu Picchu
25. Swim with the dolphins
26. Feed a wild animal
27. Take baking and pastry courses
28. Immerse myself in a local indigenous community in the jungle
29. Get another tattoo
30. Learn another language
31. Volunteer at an old folks home or hospital
32. Punch someone in the face
33. Tell someone off
34. Go diving
35. Spend a night at the most expensive suite in the best hotel in town (no matter where)
36. Ride in a hot air balloon
37. Visit a mosque
38. Go on a cruise
39. Go horseback riding in the mountains
40. Write a book
41. Learn to read tarot cards
42. Take photography courses
43. Lose enough weight to wear a bikini
44. Do yoga
45. Be debt-free
46. Have a child
47. Participate in a gay parade
48. Flight first class
49. Scale the Chimborazo
50. Ask a stranger out on a date
51. Fall in love
52. Find my soulmate

There are other things that I know I would want to add here, but I either can't think of them at the moment, or I can't simply post that kind of information here. So these are good for now.

Hopefully I'll get to mark most of them off as years go by.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see...

My letter to you...

Dear You:

About 5 years ago I started writing letters to you and about you. I remember writing about how exciting everything was and how I had never known one could be that happy...

Today things are a little bit different. The letter has the same recipient but its content is a whole different story.

I know you are never going to read this, but I also know I'm never going to see you again, and I need to get this off my chest before it crushes it...

I need you to know you were my first true love... I never knew one could love that much until I loved you... I gave you everything I had. I gave you my love, my time, my heart, my body, my soul... I gave you my entire life... And I got nothing back.

I was willing to put up with everything. I had to jump through hoops just to get to see you for 10 minutes. I was willing to risk everything, even my job, and face everyone: my friends, your friends, my co-workers, your co-workers, your boss, your family, and most important: my parents. I was willing to give up everything I had just to be with you... I would've left everything for you. I would've walked away from everything and everyone if you had been waiting for me at the other end...

I went through a lot of things most girls would never even dare go through... It took me months so you could actually see I wasn't trying to get you into trouble and I was not going to tell on you and throw you under the bus just to get you fired. It took months for you to realize I meant everything I said. It took a very long time for you to say "I love you" back, maybe a little too long...

I used to write about happiness. I used to write about love and how amazing my life was because of you... I used to write about not understanding why God was rewarding me like that, because I hadn't done anything to deserve that much... I used to write about how I was so happy I could almost feel my heart popping out of my chest....

I used to write about LOVE. I used to believe in love. I used to believe in you...

I knew all along you were no good for me, but I refused to admit it.

I always knew if you had cheated on her with me, you would eventually cheat on me with someone else too... I knew I shouldn't and I couldn't trust you. I knew you didn't care about me. I just wish you had said so, instead of lying to me and making me believe you did...

I knew everything was a lie. I knew that stupid "I can't leave her" excuse was nothing but that: an excuse, because you were a coward. I knew you weren't happy with her, but I knew you didn't want to be happy with me either. I knew you were not willing to leave your comfort zone. I knew you were not willing to risk anything you had... or at least not for me.

I knew it all along. I just can't believe I refused to see the whole picture back then...

It's too late now.

I can't see you. I can't tell you all this to your face. I can't look at you in the eye and tell you I hate you.

I can't tell you I hate how much you lied and how you broke my heart. I can't tell you I can't trust men because of you. I can't tell you I don't want to fall in love ever again because of you. I can't tell you to your face how much you hurt me and how it's taken me 3 years to try to heal the wounds... I can't tell you I'm glad you finally made up your mind and left her, because I don't care anymore and the truth is it doesn't make a difference now. She probably deserved better than you, anyway. I can't tell you I hope you're happy with your new girlfriend, because I don't care about that either. I can't tell you I hate you for being with her instead of me. I can't tell you I hate you because I just don't care enough to do so.

You broke every piece of trust and faith I had in me. You broke my self-esteem and my confidence. You broke my heart and threw away the broken pieces... You broke my spirit. You broke me... and you lost me.

You could've had everything you wanted and more and you turned it down.

Now this is all I've got: a letter.

A letter that you will never read, but that will set me free forever.

Today when I saw that picture of you and her, I didn't even know what to say. I didn't know how to react. I went on her page trying to see if I found anything, and I did, and it hit me like a ton of bricks...

I had been going over in my head what I would do if I ever saw you again... I had been thinking for months what I would say, how I would walk, if I would ignore you, if I would walk away, if I would smile at you, or if I would act like nothing had happened and start a conversation...

But looking at the picture answered that question for me.

I don't care enough to start a conversation, or to smile at you even. I always thought looking at a picture of you and her would kill me...

But there was nothing left to kill; you had already killed me once... So I felt nothing.

I felt nothing but anger, frustration and disappointment.

But all those feelings helped me realize something even bigger and better: I have no feelings left for you now... And I'm glad all it took was a picture for me to realize it. I'm glad I didn't have to wait any longer to see you again so I could...

This letter is my way of saying goodbye to you. This is my way of leaving everything behind, everything we did, everything we said, everything we shared... This is my way of burying everything and never digging it back up.

This is me, telling you I wish I could hate you for all the pain you've caused me. This is me, telling you I can't hate you, no matter how hard and how many times I try. This is me, telling you you've damaged me and you've ruined love for me.

This is me telling you I can't regret what we had, but I'm glad it's over.

I can't say you're the reason I hate men, but you can take most of the credit.

It took everything I had to love you and adore you the way I did, and it's taken everything I had left to try to forget you...

I don't think I will ever forget who you were in the past, but I will always remember what you are today: a bittersweet memory...

This is my final goodbye. This is my goodbye to you and everything you represent.

It was good while it lasted... But just like an old saying says "a minute of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of pain"...

Goodbye forever, and I hope our paths never cross again.

Sincerely,

Me.

Out of the hole, back in control...

♫ "Tonight the Super Trouper lights are gonna find me

Shinin' like the sun

Smilin', havin' fun

Feeling like a number one" ♫

Today someone said to me: "Mafer, you're a trouper!" I have to admit I blushed as she said it --not sure if it was because who said it was someone I look up to, or simply because I didn't believe her. Either way, as I was sitting in front of her listening to her and nodding, she looked at me and said it again "I hope you know that. I hope you know you truly are a trouper. You've been through a lot, and you're gonna be ok."

All my life I've wanted to convince myself that I'm a strong person. All my life I've told myself over and over that nothing and no one can bring me down. I haven't always been successful at believing so, but I've managed to get out of the hole and keep walking...

As I left the office where I was having this conversation, it hit me...

I have as a matter of fact been through a lot. Today someone in class told me I must have been a real bitch in my past life, since karma is slapping me in the face nonstop...

There's no way I can know that. I could believe them and think I was some sort of evil witch who killed a lot of people in the past and now it's my time to pay for it.

OR... I could believe I'm going through all this crap, because something REALLY good is in store for me. I think I like option B better.

Sometimes when I think about the stuff I've gone through, I can't help but laugh. Some of those things I swear back when they were happening I thought were going to kill me... I thought there was no way I could possibly survive it and find a way to smile again. Thank God I was wrong.

Now, looking back I laugh and think of it as a minor thing...

Unfortunately, not everything that has happened I can laugh at. Not yet, anyway. Hopefully one day I will be able to.

But for now... Even though I can't laugh, there is something I CAN do: be thankful.

There are some things that have pissed me off, some that have disappointed me, some others that have broken my heart, and then there are some that have tried to break my whole body and soul. But isn't that what life is supposed to be? Falling down and getting back up?

Today, probably more than ever, I truly believe that.

I've moved away, I've been away from my family and friends, I've been out of my comfort zone, I've worked myself to death, I've been in danger, I've been mugged, I've been threatened with a gun, I've been in car accidents, I've been close to being run over, I've been 'detained', I've had my Miranda Rights read to me, I've had my heart broken in more pieces that I can count, I've been cheated on, I've had to let go, I've been forced to move on... butI'm still here.

Every single thing that has broken me at one point, has turned into the glue that stuck together the pieces that have broken at some other point. And today I can say I am stronger than I was yesterday, and less than I will be tomorrow.

I don't know if that really makes me a trouper, but I'd like to think so.

No matter how many things get thrown my way, I'm here to face them.

Karma is a bitch, I agree, but it has nothing on me!

And when life throws one more punch at me and tries to knock me down... I'll stand right back up and say "Is that all you've got?"

You're not defeated because you fall down; you're defeated because you refuse to get back up.

Sincerely,

a trouper :)

Undo it --> LOVE THIS SONG!

I should have known by the way you passed me by
There was something in your eyes and it wasn't right
I should have walked but I never had the chance
Everything got out of hand and I let it slide

Now I only have myself to blame for falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be the way it was before I saw your face

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna undo it

Now your photos don't have a picture frame
And I never say your name and I never will
And all your things, well I threw them in the trash
And I'm not even sad

Now you only have yourself to blame for playing all those stupid games
You're always gonna be the same and, oh no, you'll never change

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna undo it
You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy, you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna undo it

You want my future, you can't have it
I'm still trying to erase you from my past
I need you gone so fast

You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna undo it...

You're missing the train...

A friend of mine started telling me how this one book she had been reading mentioned that in different countries, mainly collectivist societies, women were expected to marry at a young age. Some studies carried out throughout the world show that men usually start thinking they want to settle down at about 28 years old, women at 24.

Some Asian countries believe being 25 and single is by far the worst thing that could ever happen to a woman. You NEED to get married, you NEED to have a family, you NEED to be a housewife in order to fulfill your role as a woman. That's what you were born for.

Women who are 26 or older and have not gotten married, are likely to stay single and become the so-called spinsters.

OK... I understand studies show all this crap. But why?

Why do I need to worry about being 26 and not being married yet? Why does society try to make me feel like I'm a failure as a woman because I don't have somebody else's last name?

Why does society have to assume I'm going to either become a nun or start going to church everyday to find inner peace and reassure myself that God loves me, since no other man can?

Who established this stupid marrying age thing?

Why do people look at me like I have 5 heads when I say I'm single? Why do they give me the "Aw, I'm sorry" look when I say I don't have a boyfriend?

I don't need a man to prove how strong or how much of a woman I am. I AM a strong, determined, self-reliant woman, without kids, and without a husband.

Sometimes I think about some people I met back in the States, people who are a lot older than me and never even worry about being single. For what I remember, only Hispanics back in the US used to tell me I was missing the train... But again, why? Why do we feel the need to depend on somebody else to be truly happy? Why can't we focus on making OURSELVES happy rather than somebody else?

Sometimes I really think I was born in the wrong country and I grew up in the wrong culture. Sometimes I think there are just way too many discrepancies between me and my society, but I don't care. I refuse to give in.

I refuse to torture myself every night thinking I'm never going to get married. I refuse to believe I'm going to be frustrated and bitchy because I never changed my name or because I never found "the perfect catch".

I have plans of my own. I have plans that don't include a husband and children. I have plans that, as a matter of fact, would probably get ruined if these characters happened to be in the picture.

I don't think I'm missing the train. And I hate those who tell me so.

You don't miss the train unless you want to.

There's more than one train in life. There are plenty of trains... You just have to decide which one you want to get on.

If I miss the marriage train, I do know for a fact I haven't missed the most important one: the happiness train.

I got on that one a while ago and I packed everything I need.

If I ever decide to switch trains, then I will, but for now, I'm enjoying this ride.

Thanksgiving Day

So today people celebrated Thanksgiving Day in the US.When I first moved to the States I didn't quite understand the holiday, to be honest... But after seeing what it meant to people and actually being part of it, I started liking it...

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Ecuador, and I understand why... But seriously, we celebrate Halloween, and we can't celebrate Thanksgiving? Sucks!

Anyway... Even though I didn't get to sit around a big table with family and friends, and eat delicious food, I still started my day saying what I was thankful for...

Today, November 25, 2010, I am thankful for:

* My parents, for being the most amazing parents one can ask for.

* My brother, because even though he calls me Shamu every now and then, he's still the best brother ever, and because I miss him and I can't wait to see him again!

* Mia. She lights up my every day, that's all I can say.

* My family in general, because they are my rock.

* My friends, here in Ecuador and the ones in the US, for always being there. For being my friends.

* My school. Yes, my school. Because I don't think I could've ever gotten on with my life if I hadn't been so consumed by school. I don't think I would've gained back my self-confidence if I hadn't proven myself I was good at something again.

* For being alive.

A lot of times when things get hard, I've thought the easy way out would be to just give up. School's hard: give up. Love life sucks: give up. Someone lied to you: give up on them.

But the easy way out is not always the best way to go... I've learned nothing in life comes easy. Nothing WORTH HAVING, anyway.

I don't have everything a person would want... But I certainly have everything I need, and probably more.

I have a brilliant career and future ahead of me. I'm doing what I want, what I like. I have wonderful parents who support me, I have an amazing brother who always reminds me why I came back. I have the strength I need to move on, to keep going and never give up.

I'm thankful for my life! I'm thankful for being strong enough and for knowing when to say 'it's enough'. I'm thankful for knowing when to say yes, and when to say no.

I'm thankful for everything I have...

I don't think one day a year is enough. I think that's this world's problem. We have things we know we are thankful for, but we don't ever say it. We take things for granted. We wait until something happens and we lose them, or we fear we may lose them, until we decide to say how we feel. We assume they know.

Don't ever assume people know what you want to say. Don't ever assume God knows you're thankful. Don't ever assume anything. Say it. Show it. Prove it.

Life's too short not to. Life's way too great not to.

Be who you want to be, do what you want to do, and go where you want to go, but always remember to thank those who helped you get there...