I can't hate you anymore

Sometimes a song can show just how you feel without you having to say any words.

I came across this song, which I hadn't heard in years, and back then when the song first came out I thought the lyrics were good, but they didn't really apply to me.

Today, those same lyrics tell the story of my life, so sharing them is only logical.

I wish I could call you and play this song for you, or email you the lyrics or something... I wish there was a way you could actually know how I feel. But there isn't. And even if there were, there would be no point. You just don't care. You never did...

It seems unbelievable that 5 and a half years later I'm still trying my hardest to erase you from my life. My only hope is that one day you will be gone forever, from my mind, from my heart, and from my life... I wish you all the happiness in the world, even if that happiness isn't with me...

An empty room can be so deafening,

The silence makes you wanna scream,

It drives you crazy.

I chased away the shadows of your name,

And burned the picture in a frame,

But it couldn't save me.

And how could we quit something we never even tried,

Well you still can't tell me why.

We built it up to watch it fall.

Like we meant nothing at all.

I gave and gave the best of me,

But couldn't give you what you need.

You walked away,

You stole my life,

Just to find what you're looking for.

But no matter how I try,

I can't hate you anymore.

...I can't hate you anymore.

You're not the person that you used to be,

The one I want who wanted me,

And that's a shame but,

There's only so many tears that you can cry.

Before it drains the light right from your eyes,

And I can't go on that way.

And so I'm letting go of everything we were,

It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Sometimes you hold so tight,

It slips right through your hands.

Will I ever understand?

We built it up,

To watch it fall.

Like we meant nothing at all.

I gave and gave the best of me,

But couldn't give you what you need.

You walked away,

You stole my life,

Just to find what you're looking for.

But no matter how I try,

I can't hate you anymore...

My bucket list

I was watching a movie the other day and someone said "if you had 5 minutes to do something you really wanted to do before you died, what would it be?"

I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now and I still don't know what I would do in my last 5 minutes, but I do know what I would want to do before I die in general, so I came up with my bucket list. I'd always had my mental bucket list, but I had never actually written one, so I thought this would be a good way to start. I won't lose it, I won't misplace it, I won't rip it, I won't tear it up... It'll be here, on my blog, as long as the blog exists, that way I can always remember what it says and I can add or mark things off as I go along...

MY BUCKET LIST

1. Graduate
2. Get a Masters or PhD
3. See my friends from Florida again
4. Visit Egypt
5. Go backpacking across Europe
6. Visit Australia
7. Visit Fiji Islands
8. Go to Africa
9. See him again and get closure
10. Work as a professional interpreter and get paid like one
11. Move to the beach and have a bedroom with a killer ocean view
12. Create my own dog shelter
13. Travel around the world
14. Sing in front of a crowd
15. Move back to the US
16. Go on a romantic getaway with someone special
17. Have dozens of dogs
18. Own a convertible
19. Meet a celebrity
20. Study abroad
21. Learn how to shoot a gun
22. Get a complete makeover
23. Go on a road trip across Ecuador with my best friend/s
24. Visit Machu Picchu
25. Swim with the dolphins
26. Feed a wild animal
27. Take baking and pastry courses
28. Immerse myself in a local indigenous community in the jungle
29. Get another tattoo
30. Learn another language
31. Volunteer at an old folks home or hospital
32. Punch someone in the face
33. Tell someone off
34. Go diving
35. Spend a night at the most expensive suite in the best hotel in town (no matter where)
36. Ride in a hot air balloon
37. Visit a mosque
38. Go on a cruise
39. Go horseback riding in the mountains
40. Write a book
41. Learn to read tarot cards
42. Take photography courses
43. Lose enough weight to wear a bikini
44. Do yoga
45. Be debt-free
46. Have a child
47. Participate in a gay parade
48. Flight first class
49. Scale the Chimborazo
50. Ask a stranger out on a date
51. Fall in love
52. Find my soulmate

There are other things that I know I would want to add here, but I either can't think of them at the moment, or I can't simply post that kind of information here. So these are good for now.

Hopefully I'll get to mark most of them off as years go by.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see...