"Always be a poet, even in prose." ~Charles Baudelaire

I remember when I was a kid how much I used to love poetry... I didn't know much about poets, of course, but I used to love all those cheesy mushy poems that talked about nothing but a perfect love.

I liked poetry so much I even started writing myself... I used to write one cheesy poem after another (for real!) and everytime I would finish one, I would close the notebook and read it again the next day. If I didn't like it, I would throw it in the trash and write a new one.

I guess it was that easy. Sometimes I wish I had saved some of them so I could see what "my feelings" were back then, but I didn't. I threw all of them away.

When I was in high school I entered this poetry contest... We were supposed to write them on some kind of poster so they could hang it and everyone could read it. I still remember mine... It had a girl standing in the middle of some dirt road, crying. There was a broken heart behind her and a boy walking away way back...

Surprisingly, such 'cheesiness' actually worked. I won the third place. I couldn't believe it, I swear. At the time I felt like I had accomplished so much, I felt like a poet myself. My poem was even published in the school's newspaper. Looking back all I can say is HOW EMBARASSING!

I can't remember ever writing another poem after that one... I honestly don't know if my inspiration just flew away with that, or what, but I never wrote again. I still love writing, but I don't write poems anymore. I write more about personal stuff. I write journals, I write letters, I write ideas, but I don't write poems.

Sometimes I think it was the fact that I had always written for myself. I had never shown anyone my 'work' and all of a sudden having one published, pretty much broke that golden rule and I was doomed.

Sometimes when I read some cheesy poem, depending on my mood, I'll say "Aw, how sweet." But most of the time, all I can say is "How cheesy!"

But why am I writing about this? Well, because I'm taking this one class called Contemporary Nobel Peace Prizes in Literature. We're analyzing some Nobel Peace Prize winners and of course, one of the writers we're analyzing is Pablo Neruda.

I have to admit I do NOT enjoy reading his work. I'm sure the guy is (or was) awesome, otherwise he wouldn't have won a prize, but I just don't see that beauty that everyone else seems to see... All those poems, one sadder than the other, are just way too much for me.

I also have to admit I have to read every poem at least twice to understand what he's actually trying to say, but even after I get the point... I'm like "WHAT?"

I can see why people consider him romantic, and loving, and whatever they want to call him... I just don't see it.

Sometimes I wonder if everything that's happened to me, meaning horrible relationships and heartbreaks left and right, are the cause of this... Maybe all that excitement that came with poetry is just gone after seeing how all those lines are just a lie. All that "I will love you forever" "Forever you'll be in my heart" and bull is just that... Bull.

Maybe I won't like poetry again unless somebody who PROVES those lines can actually be true comes along... In the meantime, all they are is just a bunch of mushy pointless words.

And in the end, all poems end the same way: one loves, one leaves.

I think I have enough of my own drama and loveless experiences to dive into more by reading all this crap... Neruda might have won a Nobel Peace Prize but his work doesn't do a thing for me.

Does that make me a pessimist? Hmm... I think I'd have to say it makes me more of a realist.

Beauty standards

Every single day when you open a magazine, or go on some website, or look at some billboard... anywhere you look you see beautiful, super skinny models. Tall, blonde, with mile-long legs, perfect boobs, perfect abs, legs, hips... The whole picture, the whole image shows a flawless girl...

You go shopping and every single manechin in display is a size zero. Of course.

You go to school and you see girls looking at themselves in the mirror screaming "OMG! Look at my fat!!!" even if they weigh probably 100 pounds, tops.

You watch TV and every celebrity is a perfect size zero showing a perfect tan.

After all this... I, who am clearly NOT a size zero, can't help but wonder "What the fuck happened here?" Since when does everyone HAVE to be toothpick skinny?

Who set those standards? Was it those ridiculously rich stupid girls who can afford to get plastic surgeries and fix everything they don't like? Cuz I know for sure it wasn't regular girls like me.

I have always known being fat is not good for you: it's bad for your health, it's bad for your self-esteem, it's bad for whatever reason society feels like telling you it's bad... (ok, maybe I agree on the health one)

I know being fat is not necessarily great. But is being a damn toothpick healthy?

One of the classes I'm taking this bimester is Health and Nutrition (big shocker, I know!) I honestly signed up for the class because I figured I would learn something new and maybe change my eating habits, get to exercise a little and who knows, maybe lose a little weight in a near future... Oh, BIG MISTAKE! My professor does nothing but remind us how lean you have to be, how important it is to be skinny, and the best part... HOW CHUBBY WE ARE!

Chubby... I really hate that word. It really bothers me! I personally don't like euphemisms, so I'd much rather have you call me fat to my face than try to be polite and/or nice saying stuff like "chubby".

Like I said, I know being FAT is not necessarily sexy, or pretty. I understand that. But seriously... I can count with my right hand fingers the really sexy/pretty girls I know who are actually worth having a conversation with. There are plenty of pretty girls out there, there are tons of girls who are smarter than anyone would think, but people don't seem to realize it because their jeans are not skin-tight and because their boobs are not a size DD.

You hear people talk about diets 24/7, you see people opening up new businesses trying to 'help' people lose weight, gyms in every single corner of the city... Just everything everywhere you look screams "we hate fat!"

And going shopping? My God, God forbid you even tried to go shopping in this stupid city. Not only will you not find anything that fits you, but the salesperson might even actually tell you "sorry, you're too big, we don't sell clothes that big". Makes me want to spend every single dime I have on me...

So, after rambling so much about this... What I'm trying to say is:

1. I understand being fat is not healthy.
2. I understand being skinny might bring you more benefits as far as health, and of course, looks.

However, I don't seem to understand why people think you're only worth talking to if you're skinny. Ok, this has nothing to do with guys only liking skinny girls or anything. I'm way past that point, trust me, I gave up a long time ago.

This has more to do with how society treats you. How is it even possible that you don't get a job because here people request to see a picture of you before they even give you an interview? How is it possible that even if you meet the requirements for the position, you're not hot enough so you just don't get the job?

Where the hell has this society gone? When did we become so superficial? When did we decide what pretty or smart should look like?

My brain is not measured by how much my body weighs. My brain, my maturity, my personality, my soul is not measured by how thin my waistline is.

I just can't understand how our society has become so stupidly superficial and ignorant that will prefer someone with a nice body who has a peanut where their brain should be, than someone who may actually know what 1+1 is only because of "beauty standards."

Fuck beauty standards. Being pretty and stupid does not mean you meet the beauty standards.

Your pretty face, your super long legs, your perfectly perky boobs are not going to last forever --sorry to break it to you, but gravity is a bitch, no matter how many times you go under the knife!-- Outside beauty is ephemeral. Brains are not.

I have nothing against skinny people. My god, if I did I wouldn't have any friends. Don't get me wrong, this is not just a hate post. I do love skinny people. What I can't stand is STUPID skinny people who think they've conquered the world because they can wear tiny clothes and because they don't have any rolls when they sit down.

It's cool you're skinny, but all that skin you're missing, should at least be evened out with what you have in your head. Don't think you own the world because you're pretty. Work on your brain. When you lose your beauty, when you stop meeting those beauty standards, how are you going to survive?

If you like being skinny, so be it. Enjoy your thinness. If you like being fat, enjoy it as well. But don't go around in life making others feel less, making them feel like they're worth nothing because they weigh a few more pounds... Don't call people chubby. Don't call them fat. Don't call them any names. Call them by THEIR names. They are people, not a jean size.

There's more to life than just looks, and after all, beauty comes in all sizes, whether you like it or not.