♫ "Tonight the Super Trouper lights are gonna find me
Shinin' like the sun
Smilin', havin' fun
Feeling like a number one" ♫
Today someone said to me: "Mafer, you're a trouper!" I have to admit I blushed as she said it --not sure if it was because who said it was someone I look up to, or simply because I didn't believe her. Either way, as I was sitting in front of her listening to her and nodding, she looked at me and said it again "I hope you know that. I hope you know you truly are a trouper. You've been through a lot, and you're gonna be ok."
All my life I've wanted to convince myself that I'm a strong person. All my life I've told myself over and over that nothing and no one can bring me down. I haven't always been successful at believing so, but I've managed to get out of the hole and keep walking...
As I left the office where I was having this conversation, it hit me...
I have as a matter of fact been through a lot. Today someone in class told me I must have been a real bitch in my past life, since karma is slapping me in the face nonstop...
There's no way I can know that. I could believe them and think I was some sort of evil witch who killed a lot of people in the past and now it's my time to pay for it.
OR... I could believe I'm going through all this crap, because something REALLY good is in store for me. I think I like option B better.
Sometimes when I think about the stuff I've gone through, I can't help but laugh. Some of those things I swear back when they were happening I thought were going to kill me... I thought there was no way I could possibly survive it and find a way to smile again. Thank God I was wrong.
Now, looking back I laugh and think of it as a minor thing...
Unfortunately, not everything that has happened I can laugh at. Not yet, anyway. Hopefully one day I will be able to.
But for now... Even though I can't laugh, there is something I CAN do: be thankful.
There are some things that have pissed me off, some that have disappointed me, some others that have broken my heart, and then there are some that have tried to break my whole body and soul. But isn't that what life is supposed to be? Falling down and getting back up?
Today, probably more than ever, I truly believe that.
I've moved away, I've been away from my family and friends, I've been out of my comfort zone, I've worked myself to death, I've been in danger, I've been mugged, I've been threatened with a gun, I've been in car accidents, I've been close to being run over, I've been 'detained', I've had my Miranda Rights read to me, I've had my heart broken in more pieces that I can count, I've been cheated on, I've had to let go, I've been forced to move on... butI'm still here.
Every single thing that has broken me at one point, has turned into the glue that stuck together the pieces that have broken at some other point. And today I can say I am stronger than I was yesterday, and less than I will be tomorrow.
I don't know if that really makes me a trouper, but I'd like to think so.
No matter how many things get thrown my way, I'm here to face them.
Karma is a bitch, I agree, but it has nothing on me!
And when life throws one more punch at me and tries to knock me down... I'll stand right back up and say "Is that all you've got?"
You're not defeated because you fall down; you're defeated because you refuse to get back up.
Sincerely,
a trouper :)
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