Hi, how can I help you?

I could sit here and write about the things that piss me off the most about my country, and even though it would take me a reasonable amount of time, I know I could do it...

But even in that list of things I hate - e.g., crazy driving skills, like i mentioned in my previous post - there's one thing that stands out the most... CUSTOMER SERVICE - errr, should I say the LACK of it?

How many people have walked into a store in Panama, Costa Rica, Colombia, the U.S., or any other country and have been greeted by a smiley staff member who says in a very cheerful voice "How may I help you?" Countless times, I'm sure.

How many times have you walked into a store here in Guayaquil and experienced the same? Probably none. Ok, fine, let's give the city some credit... Maybe one, or two.

There are plenty of things I don't understand why they work the way they do in this country, that's a fact. But no matter how much I think about this, I just CAN'T possibly understand why we have such shitty employees working at stores/shopping malls/gas stations/restaurants/ etc.

How hard is it to crack a smile? Even if it's a fake one, a fake smile is better than no smile at all - at least when you're trying to get someone to buy whatever it is you're selling.

I know smiling all the time is not easy. I, myself, have been in the kind of situation where all I've wanted to do is scream to the top of my lungs and say how much I hate life at the moment, but have had to smile nevertheless. I know it's not easy, but I know for a fact it pays off.

Having worked at a restaurant and having to deal with the pickiest customers you will EVER even imagine that have set foot on this planet, I know how important being helpful is. Nobody says you have to kiss ass either, I mean, let's face it, if you're not paying your bills with the tips you make, you're probably not gonna be Little Miss Sunshine 24/7.

BUT, just because you get paid a fixed salary doesn't mean you can treat customers the way you want... Which has led me to the conclusion that that's why restaurant service in this country is sooooooo awful! People don't live on tips... You liking or not your undercooked steak or your stale fries makes no difference, unless you have some sort of connections and/or influences, you will most likely have to pay for your crappy food, even if you don't eat it, because here it's the "you order, you pay" kind of deal... Nice, huh?

I strongly believe every single person in this world should, at some point in their lives, work at a restaurant - a busy restaurant, that is. In my opinion, restaurants are (at least in the US) the best Customer Service School you can attend. It doesn't get any simpler than that: if you're good, you'll make money and pay your bills... If you're rude and/or suck at your job: you'll starve yourself to death.

I have to admit I will forever be in debt with the hell hole for teaching me what quality customer service is...

I was at the bank the other day... Banco Pichincha. I think I can honestly say I would much rather have someone punch me in the chest than having to stand in line at that bank. But anyway, there were probably 80 people in line (no joke), waiting to make deposits, cash checks and whatnot. Fortunately - you would think - there's an ATM looking machine that allows you to make payments electronically, without having to wait in line until the teller decides he wants to yell "NEEXXXTTTT!", which in theory saves you not only an incredible amount of time, but also having to put up with the person behind you pushing you or breathing on your neck because they think getting that much closer will make the line go that much faster. Of course, there are some people who apparently can't seem to understand how the miracle machine works, so management decides they can use a teller/model to stand right next to it to "guide people through" the whole process. As a "customer service representative" what would you expect them to do? Help you, maybe?

Nope. Not here! What does this lady do? She stands, or maybe I should say LEANS against the machine, and decides to text every single contact on her phone. Of course, since she has a blackberry, like every other living creature in this city, her blackberry messenger is going off non-stop, while the line keeps getting longer and longer. The paper runs out.

Nobody can make any more payments because the machine won't print any receipts because IT HAS NO PAPER. The CSR stands there, texting. Someone says with very polite words "Ma'am, it's out of paper" She says "Oh." and goes back to texting. Somebody else says "Hey, ma'am, excuse me, could you please change the paper roll or at least find someone to do it?" "Yeah, yeah. Just a second. I don't have the key to it."

Meanwhile, my not-so-patient ass is standing in line, staring at this girl smiling while she reads God knows what kind of messages from God knows who. The line keeps getting longer and longer.

Some older man behind me decides he wants to share the same oxygen I breathe with me, so he starts LITERALLY breathing ON me, and decides to gently push me while saying "Hágase más adelantito, por favor".

I start losing my patience and ask the girl "Hey, will it be too much of a hassle to put your phone down for a second and try to find someone to change the paper for you?" She gives me the dirtiest look ever. Keeps texting. Some old lady in the line yells "Hey!!! Miss!!! we've been waiting for HOURS now (ok, it hasn't been hours, but it has been at least 10 minutes)". ModelTeller rolls her eyes and goes to some desk to call someone on the phone to bring her paper/change the paper... Apparently nobody's picking up the phone. In the meantime, of course, while she waits for someone to answer, she keeps texting.

My desperate ass is getting so aggravated I ask somebody who the manager is because I would like to speak with him... I get the "why would you want to speak with the manager!? Please don't get me into trouble" look. The manager is nowhere to be found. Figures.

I look back and there are at least 20 people now in line, all mumbling about whether the machine works or not. At least 4 people try to "check if it works" with no positive results. Apparently the "OUT OF PAPER" blinking sign on the screen is not enough for some people.

Older guy behind me keeps breathing on my neck. I move forward so I don't have to inhale his germs and somebody cuts the line in front of me and says "I was here, I just went to fill out a deposit slip". Now I can barely move because older guy breathes on my neck, and shorter lady squeezed herself into that tiny tile, so if I step back I run into older creepy guy, and if I move forward, I will grab shorter lady's ass. Great... Just great!

Needless to say, after standing in line for about 25 minutes and staring at the CSR text until her fingers go numb, I decide I can't take it anymore and step aside. I walk up to some lady and say "For being the #1 bank in the country, you have the shittiest customer service in the history of banks, I hope you're aware of that". She looks at me like I just spoke Finnish. Doesn't even try to mumble an I'm Sorry or anything remotely related to it... I walk away and get the hell out of the bank...

I decide to go through the drive-thru. The wait's not too bad, and besides, I'm sitting down and the A/C is on... At least 6 people walk up to my car trying to sell me sunglasses, movies, socks, windshield wipers, steering wheel covers, and sunglasses again. I finally get to the window and try to ask the teller something, the little microphone thingy is broken, of course. I have to almost scream my tonsils out just so he can say "I'm sorry, we don't do that here anymore". Thank God there was a window there, because otherwise I think I would've slapped him.

I yell again and tell him there should be a manager walking around, making sure employees are actually working instead of texting and he politely smiles and says "Thank you ma'am, I will let my manager know. Thank you for coming."

Was that so freaking hard?

I'm not a bitch, despite what people might say... But there's one thing people here seem to forget: THE ONLY REASON YOUR BUSINESS RUNS IS BECAUSE OF CUSTOMERS!

If you don't like pleasing customers, dealing with them, having to put up with their needy asses, maybe you should switch careers and start doing something else where you don't require to have as much contact with customers!

You texting or chatting with your fellow staff member is not going to convince that one lady to buy that dress she's been looking at for the last 10 minutes. You listening to music and/or singing is not going to cash that one gentleman out who wants to buy that tie. And you having no change is definitely not going to increase your sales when you tell the customer "I'm sorry, I don't have any jingle, go break that bill." EXCUSE MEEEEEEEE????

How is it MY problem, that you, the salesman don't have change? Why should I, the customer, go out of my way and go through all the trouble of finding change while you sit there and look pretty?

I can go somewhere else and find someone who's smart enough to assume that not every customer is going to walk in with a stripper-like wallet full of singles or fives. I can go somewhere else where the staff is not as lazy and actually WANTS to do THEIR JOB and sell their crap.

But of course... 99% of these people are employees, not owners... I wonder what the owners of these places would say if they knew what outstanding customer service their lovely staff gives...

I don't care how bitchy, needy, rude, mean, annoying, etc. customers are, they are the reason you have a job in the first place... If you can't deal with that, find another job ASAP!

If not, sooner or later, when you start realizing your sales are going down at a steady pace, and you know you haven't increased prices, it may just be a little too late.